Panoramic Playback

I was flying in the land of the free,
until i collided into gravity
and was forced to turn the final page,
my body’s wings suddenly, a cage.

Shitting in a diaper,
being washed by 4 nurses’ hands—
My spirit broke,
in the stillness of Thailand’s hospital sands.

The survival switch at the hole was a fighter’s heat.
But this surrender was the opposite,
it was a complete – defeat.

That’s when the panoramic playback started rolling in my head.
A life review of everything I’d ever done or said.
The memory that brought me back? Rishi.
Seeing his tiny hand wrapped around my finger.
I woke up realizing I’m an auntie to six—
I ain’t done yet.
And I saw that I have LIVED,
If it ends here, fine. that’s okay,
But I’m done wasting another day.

So no wonder i felt that ALIVE in yesterday’s rain.
it’s the same old UK cold,
But the woman walking through it is a different story told.

My pace is slow, my center’s broken,
lost my muscle, lost my weight—
but I dropped all things heavy,
that couldn’t carry my fate.

Fire has never stood still
until the stillness was forced to begin.

Because only in such stillness can a volcano
become a mountain.