Kinetic attack

I don't think linearly like you
But quite frankly? 
I don't want to.

I'm a neurodivergent "weirdo"
wired with a GoPro inside my head,
clicking panoramic patterns 
everywhere I tread.

Earth on the surface. 
Fire in the back.
A paradoxical pressure building beneath
crushing me inside and out.

Hidden.
Only felt internally.
Designed to snap me out of nowhere
unpredictably. 

Most the time 
I'm trapped in a brain freeze
that no one sees.

So brutal that it reinforced me
with pre-stressed tendons 
loaded with snapback.

Holding myself upright
like a suspension bridge 
floating above 
my own collapse.

---

Dopamine low.
Signals misfire.
Prefrontal cortex caught in the crossfire.

Attention. Emotion. 
All outta control.
Yeah - try running life while something outside your damn mind
glitches out your console.

Clumsy. Dopey. 
Burnt out daily.

Still summitting clouds 
like altitude don't phase me.

Impulse took me places most won't dare to go like walking straight to the Roof of Africa. 
Simply because only a dormant volcano
like Kilimanjaro can match my fire within. 

At the same time?
That same impulse led me straight  into a death-drop down a Thai Hole. 

So maybe my intensity 
is the very thing 
that cancels me.

And yet 
that same intensity 
will resurrect me 
from my own ashes.

Because I have stared my own ABYSS
in the face and told it to FUCK OFF.

Burn me down.

I will ALWAYS get back up. 

---

A Tiny Paradox

What’s your spirit animal Kaj?
A tiger with butterfly wings.
Dafuq?
Listen.

Fragile and strong
Resilient and sensitive.
Dopey or laser.
Dancer and Engineer.
Scattered and efficient.
Extrovert and introvert.
Structural Engineer with no structure.
All in, or all out.
A rebel with integrity.
Solo backpacks and group tours.
Freestyle dancer, shit scared of cyphers.
Earth exterior and fire interior.
Tiny body, massive energy.

A kinetic catastrophe locked in a tiny paradox.

---

ADHD is a hunter’s mind.

My primal core
don’t move in straight lines.

0 to 100
no warning, 
no tracks.

Just a sudden release

Kinetic attack.

An eruptions of truth
I can't hold back.

Because where I come from?
Tigers walk on two feet.

Our roars carry the defiance 
of the Chola dynasty.

Across centuries of generations
silenced by genocide and atrocities -
No compliance.

My energy is my SHAKTI.
Weaponised frequency.

And when I stop resisting
the tsunami inside of me

I don't fall apart.

I ignite.

You call it “too much"
I call you a pussy 
too afraid of this tiny cat.

You call it "disorder"
I call it your border-line horror 
to witness a rebel with integrity
dropping truth bombs 
with unpredictable intensity.

You call it "disability"
I call it un-domesticate-ability.

Glitching up your matrix 
mundane metrics and little tricks
tryna suppress the commotion
of this genius design.

Epiphanies in Motion.

I will not apologise
for your pathologising.

Or let you poison me with your shame 
inside my already traumatised spine. 

It shifted right.
split open like a rift zone
accumulating fire.

primal instincts

something ancient

about to explode.

Ima sit back on my throne
outside your neat little lines.

I didn’t break your cage.

I burnt it.

To ash.

My ADHD
was never a fucking disability.

It is my ART.

ATTACK.

---

I’m complex.
I’m chaotic.

Tiny paradox.
Kinetic catastrophe.

Unpredictable manic pixie
full of bubbles and wit –

but don’t ever underestimate
the force in this.

Structural engineer
with no structure.

Either scattered –
or a laser.

There’s fire beneath everything I do,
rising through pathologised cracks
you labelled as my “lack.”

What a load of crap.

“Disorder.”
“Deficit.”
“You never listen.”
“Just try harder.”

“Oh my God sameee,
I lose focus too,
I probably have ADHD as well.”

Cool.

Do you also
implode internally – daily?

Freeze mid-task
unable to even get up and piss?

Walk yourself into chaos
and accidentally flirt with death
chasing dopamine
your nervous system’s starving for?

Or do you just lack discipline
and cosplay self-awareness
through a self-diagnosis?

Because people weaponising ADHD
as a get-out card
for being disgusting human beings?

Will ALWAYS piss me off.

Yeah, I might miss your call.
Open the wrong car door.
Turn up late
to some shit I forgot existed.

But injustice?

That hits my nervous system
like a shockwave.

I’ll back a toad
that dismissed me yesterday
if the truth says
they were wronged today.

Because a neurodivergent moral compass
ain’t built on small talk
and “Kind Regards” fluff.

If I ask how are you
I actually want to hear
what the fuck is happening with you.

Tell me you missed your alarm
and your morning went to shit.

Tell me you proposed
and she said yes
and you’re trying not to cry
at work right now.

But don’t tell me
you’re “fine.”

You best believe
I don’t say I’m fine either.

Most of you
“Kind Regards” fuckers
don’t actually want truth –

you want performance.

So I’ll drop my truthbombs louder.

Maybe then
you’ll finally understand
what your performative
“Diversity & Inclusion” talks
were supposed to mean.

Because half these people
treat my wiring
like a tick-box exercise
to sign off their own ego.

“Great presence.”
“Very inclusive human.”

Meanwhile this guy’s personality switches
more than London weather
misreported by BBC News.