Pura Vida
A beautiful philosophy,
in Costa Rica,
to live a life that’s simple,
and carefree.

Thank you to the paradise that set me free. June 2024.

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A Benign Incongruity

The root of most genuine laughter is when something is unexpected, harmless, and deeply character-revealing.
Such as when he cracked up at the absurdity of my deadpan delivery,
I went and danced in the park.

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I was running low af.
Stuck in routine 
under-stimulated, 
under-alive,
with too much bandwidth 
romanticising hypotheticals in my mind.

I need to feel small in a big world again. 
I need to get lost in a foreign city
where no one knows my name.
I need to be Kaj in motion.
not Kaj in analysis paralysis
stuck in her brain.

Dancing. Travelling. Exploring. 
No space left to obsess for more.

There is only me,
and the now at the core.

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Thailand, you broke me apart.
Then built me back up 
into a version of me that finally feels ALIVE.

I came here scattered.
I leave here scattered.

But i've lived a lifetime in these five weeks.
My land of the free,
Thank you. 
For healing me with your smiles and kindness.
Sabai sabai
For now, goodbye xo

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I suppose i did get my wish…

14/12/25 – 31/12/25
I did get lost in a foreign city where no one knows my name.
Maybe some of the best 3 weeks of my life too.
Wholesome memories. New friends scattered across the globe.
I love solo backpacks because i learn so much about myself. I learn to admire the person i am in the moment, where i bond with strangers who become friends based only on who i am right now. Not tied to history. Not anchored to context. Just…presence.

Sabai Sabai

01/01/26 - 17/01/2616 
I did get lost in a foreign city where no one knows my name. 
But the beauty of that wish, flip rotated, into my biggest nightmare. Benched by my own Event Horizon.
Roaming foreign streets alone, a fragile tortoise internally bleeding, nearly hemorrhaging out, 20k steps on broken ribs, five days of delays, before i finally reached that hospital bed. Begging strangers for help lifting bags i couldn't carry beyond my own collapsing weight.
Continents away from my people, I truly did feel small in a big world.

There is only me,
and the now at the core.

Current status: 
I broke my goddamn core.

Be careful what you wish for.

Even the title of this whole blog, Kaj in Wonderland  inspired by me finally watching Alice in Wonderland on the flight to Bangkok, and loving it so much it became my favourite Disney.

But then my mate Bobby clocked the fcked-up synchronicity in that. 
Alice fell down a goddamn deep rabbit hole. 
So did I.  

Her fall was slow. Long. Stretched out into something surreal - just like my NDE time-dilation, where a flash-quick death-drop dragged itself into life reviews, existential spirals, and this strange, whimsical, magical, humbling... adventure. 
The kind that flip-rotates your life 
and everything you thought you knew about it
Just like Alice.

Kaj in Wonderland.

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No fuks to give

Dec 2025. 
Somewhere between a tiny Thai dorm bed 
and total autonomy. 
High on life 
instead of Zone 1 rip-off flat whites. 
Dancing with wet hair, 
clean skin, 
and no fuks to give.

26 March 2026. 
Benched in bed by 8pm. 
Overworked 
by capitalism crap 
and machine livin. 
Paper straws.
Net Zero goals. 
While orange pig 
and his Nutcaseyahu 
blow it all up. 
Athlete still asleep.
Fuks? 
Maxed out. 
Now back we go
to no fuks to give.

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SHE WON'T SIT STILL OR SHUT UP